So this week has seen me make a rather huge decision.
I’m not great with making decisions of any kind, let alone life-changing ones. I am pretty much useless at making even the smallest of decisions. I mull over them for what seems like an age, then no matter how much I have considered the options, I still make the wrong choice. So you can understand that having to make a massive decision leaves me sweating to the point of having a panic attack.
This week I decided to hand in my notice at work. For those of you who don’t know, I have worked for the past 18 months at a jewellery supplier in North London. It has not been without its trials and tribulations, the biggest being that it happens to be an hour and half drive from door to door. My time here has been exhausting. I have lived my life by the clock, on a constant schedule of getting up/getting dressed/getting my son up and getting him dressed/dropping him off at his nans or auntie’s houses/fighting my way through rush hour traffic/never making it to work on time/fighting my way home through even more rush hour traffic/dinner/bathtime/putting son to bed/prepare clothes and pack bags for the next day/bedtime. Then the next day it starts all over again. To put it mildly, I’m shattered.
And so I decided that it was time to make a change. You would think with that schedule I would have been more than happy to quit, but for some odd reason it has left me in a heightened state of panic ever since the new job was confirmed.
I am swapping industries for a start, having worked in the fashion accessory world for the past 13 years. Goodbye beautiful accessories; Hello sports merchandise.
Yeah that’s right. Sports. Merchandise.
I shall be entering a world of football team emblazoned mugs, cups, balls, inflatable chairs. I shall be spending my day managing orders for scooters, in-line skates, bikes and skateboards. I shall be talking Olympics, Euro 2012 and Championship League.
My son will, of course, love it. I will…..grow to love it, I’m sure.
Secondly….I have weirdly grown to like it here. Okay, so they have a slight obsession about what toilet you can and cannot use when its your ‘time of the month’, they ration the giving out of chocolates we get in the Christmas hamper and sometimes it’s so quiet you would be excused for thinking you might be working in a morgue, but Hell, I do like it here. I love the product, I really like the people and well….call me an old fart, but I’m settled. And like a good pair of slippers, I do like to be comfortable.
But the time has come to branch out into pastures new. I need to get my life back. I don’t want to force my son out in the cold and dark on the wintry mornings. I don’t want to fight my way through traffic or spend more time in the car than with my family. I want to eat with my husband AND my son at a reasonable hour. I don’t want to feel like some old zombie, just going through the motions every day and unable to speak anything other than a few zombie-like groans. I want more time to write.
And so, it’s time to make that change. Goodbye 1 and half -2 hour journey; Hello 5 min drive. I shall kiss my car dashboard every day instead of kicking the bumper in rage.
By the end of January I shall no doubt spend most of my time looking like a rabbit in headlights, but I shall do it with a little more energy than I have had for the past year and a half and that can’t be so bad (or at least that’s what I keep telling myself).
Into the breach, dear friends.