I must get asked the question ‘so when are you going to get published?’ on average of about four times every week.
I am becoming an absolute master at side-stepping this line of questioning. I mumble something along the lines of ‘erm….busy writing book 2; erm….looking for agents; erm….its a difficult market out there; erm….just can’t find the time; erm……would you like another glass of wine?’
The wine bit usually works by the way, which say a lot about my friends; but the point is I side-step it because the question just scares me.
Firstly it scares me because there seems to be this expectation when you write, that you MUST get published, otherwise, well, ‘whats the point?’ Is that because people who don’t write, don’t understand why you would ever set out to complete a project like a novel, unless you are going to get published? Or is it because what you do is deemed worthless if it never gets into print or appears on a Kindle screen? Thankfully I think many of my readers simply want to see it in print because they would love that to happen for me. And of course, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want that too.
Secondly, it scares me because the more I hear it, the more I feel like I should be doing something about it. Hell, I KNOW I should be doing something about it. Because let’s face it I’ve done practically nothing. Okay, so I’ve set up a blog so people can read random excerpts but even that felt like a big step. I think a lot about doing something about it. I think about getting that list of agents I compiled months ago and giving it a shot. I think about investigating indie publishing. I think about making time. But every time I do think about it, it just scares the Hell out of me.
And that’s the major crux of things. I love writing but it also scares me. It scares me to put it out there. It scared me to even tell certain people that I did write.
Me: ‘Erm…..I was wondering….you see, the thing is…..I, erm, have started writing this ….erm thingie, you know, erm a story. It’s all a bit silly really…just this little thingie about vampires. Erm. Yeah’ (cue much blushing, averting of eyes and shuffling of feet).
And if you look on my Tumblr you will see that’s what I used to call my novel. Yep. My ‘thingie’.
So my ‘thingie’ still sits there. And after I’ve finished writing this post I can’t honestly tell you I will stick a rocket up my backside and do anything about it any time soon. But I WILL eventually……