Okay, I know, I know, I have shamelessly borrowed that line from The Sixth Sense. And if Shyalaman doesn’t mind, I am going to borrow the next line too.
I see dead people.
Only these dead people do know they are dead.
I see vampires.
And they do walk around like regular people, but only at night of course.
You could be in a club or pub and be standing next to one at the bar. You could be cutting up a storm on the dance floor, not realising the hot guy you met that night is one. Hell, you could be twenty-four hour shopping in Tesco and bump trolleys with one. Although quite why one would be supermarket shopping is beyond me. But my point is, you would just never know.
You see I told you I wished it was believable. But let’s continue as if you do believe me. Just humour me a while, okay?
So firstly, let’s dispel the myths.
Vampires are not cloak-wearing Christopher Lee lookalikes. Nor do they hang upside down in spooky caves, with Jim Morrison posters adorning the walls, as per Keifer Sutherland’s David.
They do not have glass-like long nails. They do not have iridescent eyes. They cannot be repelled by garlic or holy water. They do have a reflection in mirrors. You can refuse to invite a vampire into your home all you like. He will come in anyway. And a wooden stake will rarely hit the spot so don’t waste your time sharpening the posts from your garden fence.
And let me be absolutely clear on one point. None of them, and I mean none of them are tortured souls, forced into a life of blood-sucking against their will, as per Lestat’s creation Louis, or the current vamp-du-jour, Edward Cullen.
They drink blood and kill because they want to. Because, to be a vampire means: you-drink-blood-and-you-kill. Got that?
Now those of you who do believe in vampires are probably shaking your heads at my depiction of a typical vamp. But that’s because your heads have been filled with all the Hollywood glamour and hype about vampires. You have some romantic notion that these creatures (or some of them at least) are left horrified by their actions, that in essence they love us humans and really don’t want to hurt us in any way.
Tap, tap tap at your bedroom window. ‘Who is it’ I hear you say. ‘Oh don’t worry’ says the vampire, ‘it’s just your friendly neighbourhood bloodsucker’. ‘Oh well in that case, do come in….’
Do it then. Let him in. You could, if you are lucky, fall in love with him, and him with you, and both live happily ever after. The end.
Trust me. It will end but not in the way you had hoped it would. Trust me, I know. And soon, you will believe me.
Copyright (c) Lindsey Clarke 2010 all rights reserved